Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Just For Me?

It's like a whole website, just for me.

Relatedly, roasted my first chicken last night. Boy did I make a royal mess of that. I mean, she said it tasted fine, and I don't think she sneaked away to puke it up last night, but not the finest moment of my fledgling culinary adventures.

Monday, September 06, 2010

5 Things That Have Annoyed Me About Movies This Summer

One "great" thing about my current lifestyle is the ability to pop off and see a movie whenever. I say "great" because this has, all things considered, been a pretty disappointing summer for movies. Alternatively, what the hell am I think expecting movies to be good? But in any event there were 5 specific things that especially annoyed me.

1. Sly Stalone's pretensions. Why take a perfectly good shoot 'em up and try to make it 'weighty' with some kind pathos and emotional heft? I appreciate the fact that Charisma Carpenter is age appropriate as a love interest for a graying bad-ass, but...WHY BOTHER? You are wasting my time with plot points no one could possibly invest in, and this popcorn ain't gonna eat itself. Also, why have Jet Li if he doesn't get a chance to kick ass?

2. If you are going to make a live action Sorcerer's Apprentice, if you don't plan on using or clearing THE music, you DON'T HAVE A MOVIE. Just shut her down right there.

3. Like there isn't enough nerd cred to break Scott Pilgrim into two movies. Is there anyone who wouldn't have like more Scott Pilgrim?

4. The marketing campaign for The American. For those that haven't seen it, it's basically a Leone Western, set in Italy. It's not George Clooney: Badass. Though Clooney is a badass, this isn't Identità Bourne, it's Unforgiven in small town Italy. Also, the final shot is a teensy bit on the nose, not quite as bad as "The Departed" but up that alley.

5. Speaking of endings that pissed me right off; Inception. Spolier alert and all that, but I call bullshit on a transparently, insultingly blatant message from Chris Nolan saying "TALK ABOUT MY MOVIE!!!!"

Look, I'm fine with ambiguity and think it was perfectly acceptable in this story. But much like a restaurant too-visibly angling for a 4-star review, the plea for memorability (and one would assume, Oscar's) is so evident as to be off-putting. In fact after being in a constant state of "this is awesome" all through the film, I left the theater frustrated and angered. I'm sure there are dozens and dozens of ways Nolan could have ended the film, but picking the one which caused about 75% of the audience with whom I saw it to audibly groan was probably the wrong answer.

Next film which has the potential to disappoint me horribly? "The Town".

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Erm, hello?

I have thoughts. I would like to record them, because as someone (maybe Don Draper?) once said if you don't write it down, it didn't happen.

Stuff I plan on talking about:

1. Entertainment: I read a lot of books. I watch a lot of TV. I see a lot of movies.

2. Wedding planning: because the tyranny of Big Media Myster shall not stand.

3. Hobbies: I recently decided to learn how to cook. It's actually going pretty well. I scared the pants off of Maia earlier this week when she came home and not only had I made beef stew for dinner, but an honest-to-goodness New York goddamn Cheesecake. Sethy Fucking Crocker.

4. Sports: because as part of 1 above, I read/watch a lot. These days, mostly Soccer and NBA basketball.

5. Other: because I can't be arsed to categorize everything I might want to talk about in the future.

Stuff I don't plan on talking about:

1. Law: Boring.

2. Politics: and even deadlier combination of boring and infuriating. I still have opinions, they have changed much if you look through the archives here, but my current level of cynicism makes it impossible to get behind discussing the ins and outs and what have yous. Basically, it boils down to this - if people invent shit that replaces the gasoline engine and find a way to provide power to industry, utilities, and so on, we're golden. If not, we're fucked. What the government does (or more than likely does not) do will end up mattering very little because it's all Kabuki intended to keep those of us too pretentious to be sated by Jersey Shore (love it) and Survivor (have never seen a second of it, one of my prouder accomplishments) occupied while the status keeps on quoing. I just depressed myself further writing that.

3. The layout of this blog: I know, it's ugly as sin. Deal.

Stuff I hope not to care about, ever:

1. Traffic

2. Daily Quota of Output

3. Yankee fans. I don't really even care about baseball anymore. Yay 2004/2007. But there is just that certain something about YankeeFan that I hope I can just ignore. LakerFan, I'm still coming for you though...