Compare and Contrast

Without looking at the headers, which of these is actually Easterbrook, and which is parody? No points for answering "it is the real Easterbrook and a parody, your mother, your sister, your mother, your sister...." *SLAP*

Sorry about that...

Anyway, best bit of the parody?:

80% Of This Column Was Written Using Autotext! DirecTV has a monopoly! There is "dark matter" in the universe! CEO's who fly private planes are fucking assholes! Coaches only make decisions that will make them look good! No one touched the running back on that run! He shouldn't get any credit! My son Spenser is very advanced and will ruin the curve for your unintelligent child!

(HT joeo in the Unfogged Mineshaft)