Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Asshole of the Week: Hair formerly Like Jesus, Arm Like Mary

The Unfrozen Caveman Centerfielder.

I have no compelling reason for this. But then, I don't need one, do I?

I was okay when he left - the Yankees overpaid for him. We are fine in the Centerfield deparment - CoCo Crisp is a pretty solid replacement who is both a decade younger and costs much less [assuming he doesn't break his finger. Oh wait, damnit] and Adam Stern has performed pretty well on D in Crisp's absence. Plus, Damon still throws like a girl. Perhaps even moreso. It's as if just sharing a locker room with Slappy and Posada (the one I really, really hate) has made him into an even bigger wuss.

But Damon, wearing Yankee stripes, sans beard and hair just reminds us why the Yankees are the Empire and everyone else, Sawx especially (yes, yes, I know, they are more 'Empire-Lite' in reality, but allow me to have one moment of unnuanced partisanship, damn you), are the plucky, scruffy Rebellion.

Plus, who doesn't love a stirring round of "Yankees Suck!" cheers?


Mr Furious said...

I read somewhere yesterday for the first time the "Looks like Jesus, acts like Judas, throws like Mary" and laughed my ass off.

I'm still very bullish on the Crisp era (to come), but perhaps not so much on the Arroyo for Wily Mo...

CharleyCarp said...

I liked the fake $100 bills.

And Wakefield's tag.

bill said...

I am bored with athletes complaining about being booed. You play for the other team--you should get booed. There should be no profanity or name-calling. But a good, healthy boo is a sign of respect. It's better than being ignored.

Your favorite player now plays for your most hated team? Here's how it should work. He's announced in the team introduction: polite golf clap. Every other time: a big boo. Nothing hostile, just a reminder that he's now one of them.