Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Asshole of the Week: How About an "Earmuffs!" Call?

Kind of a slow week for AHW. A sports-related theme was pretty much assured, between Emperor PalpatineSteinbrenner declaring the upcoming baseball season superflous, Buck O'Neil not getting elected to the HoF and USA Basketball giving Iverson the shaft. (Bruce Bowen, Antawn Jamison and Luke Ridnour instead? I hear Mark Madsen and Brian Scalabrine are available. Paul Shirley could blog the whole thing, too...)

However a quick timeline of my evening will make it all clear:

  • 5:30 PM AK time: leave work, walk across the street to the gym, secure in the knowledge that the DVR is recording the Duke-Florida State tilt. I'm worried, it's a classic trap game: late season; on the road; means much more to one team than the other; rematch of a controversial early season game. Oh, and Duke plays Carolina on Saturday.
  • 5:30 - 6:30: Gym stuff. Instead of watching the 76ers-Rockets on ESPN out of fear of seeing a score or hearing a report during a 'Gamebreak', I instead subject myself to the other TV viewing option, Fox News. I feel dirty, but knowing that the game will be waiting for me on the DVR when I get home is some consolation.
  • 6:30 - 7:00: Shower, shave, sher, sauna etc. Answer phone call from pops by saying "Don't tell me, I have it TiVo'ed" (not really, I have ghetto DVR, but TiVo is easier for the technophobic coot to understand, so why split hairs?) He teases, asks if I want to make a bet on a game. Which is funny because the last time he made a bet with me was about 1993 when I convinced him that a Sonics - Mavericks game in Dallas was live at 10 PM Alaska Time. Dallas was up double-digits to start the 4th, I bet him Seattle would win. He figured it out sometime the next week when I told him I was watching the replay of a Sonics game at 10 PM. Anyway he doesn't actually tell me.
  • 7:00 - 7:30: Drive home, stopping at the bank to deposit the paycheck (CHING!) and pick up my usual oh-so-healthy dinner. Instead of listening to the usual ESPNradio for obvious reasons, I listen to the local NPR station interviewing a 2004 High School graduate who is running for mayor. Of Anchorage. His platform seems to be based on winning the 2003 Alaska High School Football Championship. San Dimas High Football Rules! It's an uncomfortable bit of live radio, but I don't want to spoil the game.
  • 7:30: Get home, flip on the TV. Realise that I won't be able to watch the whole game now because Lost comes on at 8. It's ok though, I have it DVR'ed. I can watch it whenever.
  • 7:32: Start eating, check the email...and find this sitting in there from Gloaty McHaterNation:
I apologize for this not being tied into this post, but
Given the overall content of this blog, what are the chances of me not posting about the Duke game. Especially if it goes poorly? You think I'll miss a chance to rip the increasing suckitude of Greg Paulus, who would be entering WoJo territory save for he's not even that useful, and is plain bad on D, instead of floor-slappy-annoying, overrated and bad on D? (You see what you are missing by jumping the gun? Do You?)
D-U-K-E! Sucks! Sucks! Sucks!
Not as badly as your boy did on the Wonderlic test. BTW, I love the FSU crowd, after almost giving the Devils a shot by incurring a tech with 1.7 left, chanting "Overrated" at a team about to lose for the second time all year, while their squad still might miss the tourney. Reminiscent of the yahoos I went to college with chanting "C-B-A! C-B-A!" at the other team's best player as they were thumping us in a playoff game. A D-III playoff game. Closed circuit to those guys...3 rings, bitches...
In case you are still working in Alaska, Duke just lost to FSU. In an all-time classy move, Coach K had his starters go to the locker room with 1.7 seconds left. Because he was afraid for their safety. What, JJ can't defend himself against a happy crowd?
So you were aware that I might still be working and still! You stay classy, Austin.

Moving on, yes, what wimps they were, espcially after one if the FSU players had to be helped off the court following the first bout of stage diving and crowd surfing. What bad could possibly happen? As much fun as Big Sheldon would likely have moshing with Jenn Sterger and friends, Coach K didn't get where he is today by wearing Bad Idea Jeans. And they shook hands and evertying on the way out, which was a pretty classy way to deal with a ugly spot if you ask me.

So for spoling my dinner, ruining the game and forcing me to write this instead of paying the requsite fanboy attention to Lost, you, Fletcher, are my asshole of the week. Congratulations, you are the envy of at least one regular for achieving the honor. Plus you now have a Duke threa on which to post...

As for basketball analysis: like I said trap game. No excuses, the Dookies didn't play well enough to win, but it wasn't like the letdown was unforeseable. Also the guards look extremely leg weary, neither Paulus nor Dockery could really penetrate, and every seemed just a half beat slow and D, which caused McRoberts and Shelly to get in fould trouble (both fouled out). It also prevented Duke from forcing turnovers and getting fast break looks. All that being said, if you were going to lose a game, this would be it. Good and ornery for UNC on Saturday, maybe a nice bounce heading into the ACC tourney and away we go? Seriously though, if I had to make a bet now, my cash would be on Texas since I think they are probably a much better value than UCONN.


Fletch said...

My apologies. An unfortunate by-product of the instantaneous internet. Drunken gloating knows no time-zones. At least not well enough to figure out exactly how far behind Alaska is. In the future, all sports related commentary will be saved for exactly six hours after the fact.

Ummm, hate the players not the game?

Fletch said...

Upon further reflection, my classless reaction at the end of last nights game put me in good company with Coach K. I was more than a little shocked to see JJ walking off the court with his team down by three (before FSU took their free-throws), but, if unbiased Dickie V. agrees with a classy move like that, who am I to argue?

And for the record, the FSU player who was "injured" during the first celebratory rush was hit with leg cramps. Not exactly crowd-surfing damage.

reader_iam said...

Man, Fletch, were you the kind of kid who'd sneak downstairs Christmas morning and open all your gifts, just to deprive your poor mama the joy of watching you rip off the paper?

Into the time-out chair with you, buddy!

Steve K said...

Pooh, you don't believe in playing defense in basketball? Wait...let me change that question. You don't think the U.S. team should play defense? They have enough scorers. I would much rather have Bruce Bowen on this team than AI. You have a point with Ridnour. That is an insult, but give props where props are due. Bowen can play great D, is disciplined and can hit an open jumper.

Icepick said...

So that's what I have to do to win AHOW!

And give the 'Noles fans a break. Them beating Duke as B-ball is about as likely to happen again as Duke beating FSU in football. And at FSU football games the crowds are kept in check by state troopers mounted on horseback. Hard to get those guys into a basketball arena. People keep slipping on all the sh -- er, sauna.

Pooh said...


Right, because AI plays no D at all, (and for the record, I believe in D. It exists, I just never had the ability to play any) and international refs are sure to let Brucie clutch and grab and undercut and do all those 'little things' that he does so well. I'm perhaps irrational in my dislike of Bowen, but he's a more personable, less talented version of Mario Elie. But he's got a hell of a Magic Johnson dribble, so naturally you are fond... [/cheap shot]

Anonymous said...

I hate the name "Seth", everytime I hear it or read it, it makes me hold back from puking, please slap your mommy and give your daddy a good kick in the ass for me for naming the FUCKED up name dude!