Thursday, February 16, 2006

Pooh's Theorem of "Lost"

The quality of an episode depends solely on the character contained in the flashbacks

Thus the best episodes concern Locke, Sawyer and Sayid (and perhaps Sun & Jin).

The worst: Michael, Jack, Boone/Shannon and Michael. I said that already? They're that bad, Will.

In that spirit, a few rounds of "Lost" inspired 'quien es mas macho':
  1. Locke or Vic Mackey?
  2. Kate or Elektra (or The Bride)? (XWLBill (because I have so many commenters, it's hard to keep them all straight. Or I'm just stupid. (And need to nest more parentheticals)) asks what about River Tam from Serenity. I think she probably takes all three, unarmed. Egregious oversight on my part.)
  3. Sawyer or Mal?
  4. Jack or 'Bambi'? (edit: the "Bambi" at issue is J.D. from "Scrubs", FYI
  5. Mr. Eko or Jules Winnfield?
  6. Sayid or Bond. James Bond (Connery edition)?

Update 2/17/06: Bill insinuates that I'm Hurly-hating. Not true. If I were to rank the remaining castaways in terms of episodice goodness, it would probably be thus:

  1. Locke
  2. Sayid
  3. Sawyer
  4. Sun/Jin
  5. Kate
  6. Hurly
  7. Claire
  8. Charlie
  9. Jack
  10. Michael

AFAIK, Hurly has only had two episodes, the first one was good, the second one, was a bit meh, even if it did have the kid from Road Trip. We haven't seen enough of the Tailaways to really know, though Eko is top 4, almost certainly. Ana Lucia, not so much.


XWL said...

Other than Locke over Vic Mackey, I'd have to go against the Lost character, and really Jack might only be able to beat a male figure skater (and only a few of them) in a round of 'Mas Macho'.

Locke pretty much mas machos any aging bald feller other than maybe Kojak (you have to be a real man to be sucking on lollipops all day)

The Bride, seriously, no contest versus anyone male, or female (though I'd probably want to bed Kate most, The Bride's attractive but a bit scary, and Elektra's got those collagen injected lips that are just plain frightening (plus the lingering odor of Affleck is something that can't be overlooked).

Mal, Sawyer's just a pretend bad boy, Mal's the real deal.

Bambi, at least Bambi (and Bambi II grossed about $40M in first week DVD sales!!) still has some testicles, Jack left his somewhere in Los Angeles.

Jules Winnfield, have you seen his wallet? Whereas Mr. Eko (ok not him, the actor playing him) is a goshdurn Buddhist (plus instead of Psalms he should have read from Ezekiel)

Bond (Connery styley), He's Bond, James effin Bond.

But what I want to know, when are they going to reveal that the crazed French woman is really a time travelling Minbari?

Pooh said...

Sorry, the 'Bambi' at issue is J.D. from Scrubs, i'll update the post ;)

XWL said...

I stick by my misreading, Jack is still less macho than a juvenille deer.

But then I think Bambi (the deer) would kick Zach Braff's pansy ass as well.

bill said...

Since XWL hit a grand slam on the first pitch (and I agree with his reading of Bambi), I'll offer a followup question:

Could the Bride take Summer?

XWL said...

I don't actually recall mentioning River Tam, but given that she's psychic maybe she took the thought from my mind and beamed it over to you, so you thought I mentioned her when I only ever thought of mentioning her.

Mas Macho is a great game though

(and Cocaine is still a helluva drug)

(and no Asshole of the Week?)

(A week without assholes, that sounds like some U.N. sponsored initiative)

XWL said...

Now I know what happened, River Tam took the thought from my mind, transerred it to Bill at So Quoted then compelled you to misidentify which blogger and blog you saw the idea for the Bride v River matchup.

Yep, that sounds about right, those teens with psychic powers are tricky.

Pooh said...


The only reason I am still conscious is that River Tam does not want to carry me...